RSVP Yes means you are coming, right?

I discovered a pet-peeve. I usually don't sit around thinking about what kind of things bother me but when something happens that catches your attention in a bad way, it can raise that issue to a whole new level of awareness. It causes you to clearly define the offensive behavior for future reference.

This newly discovered pet-peeve is something that everyone does usually without any harm or bad intention.  We do it to try and not hurt or disappoint people but it always runs the risk of doing just the opposite.  So what act could be so damaging?  Not saying no.

How many times do you get invited to go somewhere, do something, or participate in an activity that you really don't want to do?  How many times do you come up with some excuse about why you can't go?  All the time, right?  We do it so we don't hurt people's feelings or disappoint anyone. Here are some classic scenes from the movie, Yes Man starring Jim Carey to help illustrate this: http://youtu.be/dk15ya0nzAk?hd=1 and http://youtu.be/XvKz7efhE2c?hd=1 

Sometimes people say yes and then don't show up.  Sometimes people will say yes and then, at the last minute, have a conflict conveniently pop-up.  Sometimes people show up but they can't stay long.  It seems like we would rather feel guilty about lying than mildly disappoint someone.  Where is the good in that? Doesn't this fall under the two wrongs don't make a right category? Why is it that we can't just say no?

What makes this phenomena the worst is when you are on the other side of the invitation. When you invite people to do things and you know they are lying to you in order not to participate. It feels gross and it cheapens your relationship. For acquaintances, this behavior isn't welcome but it seems to be more easily forgivable. Where it really crosses the line and this action becomes unacceptable and very harmful is when it happens between close personal friends.  When it is someone you have known for a long time and trusted, and they tell you a lie to get out of something, it really hurts. What does it say about your friendship when you can't be honest with each other?  What else are they not being honest about with you? Can you trust them moving forward?  What ends up as an attempt to not hurt someone's feelings ends up really hurting the friendship.  It is a major withdrawal from your friendship bank account and it is very difficult and time consuming to try and replenish the situation.

Is it worth it?  Just two little letters can prevent this pain, n-o. Saying no means you don't have to lie.  Saying no means... you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and be stressed about it.  Saying no means... you don't have to feel guilty about making up an excuse.  Saying no means... you might disappoint someone in the short term but you actually enhance your relationships with people because you were being honest with them.

Be real. Be honest. Just say no... or yes, but follow through.  You will be surprised what happens.  The more genuine you are with people the better your relationships will be and that is what life is all about in the end.