Need Therapy? Try to get a new job.

I have decided that interviewing is really therapy.

I have never had a therapy session so I could be a little off in my comparison but in my job search experience over the last few years, it has felt more like therapy. If you make it pass the gated phone interview and are invited to a in-person interview and this is where the magic happens. Your interviewer will take you back to where your career started and bring you up to the present time. As you begin to describe your responsibilities, you take a trip down memory lane but something unexpected always seems to happen.

As the interview progresses, a question will be asked that requires some deep thought. You begin to run through your experiences in your head and then start to answer the question and then it happens! You have an Oprah Ah-Ha moment. You realize that your whole life changed based on one occurrence in your childhood or one interaction with a co-worker. Or you realize that the reason you act the way you do is because your first boss or a school mate treated you a certain way.  Or you realize that your parents raised you to think a certain way and that is why you grew up to be good or bad at something.  Each interview opportunity causes a person to have a different story come to life for them.

One moment you are talking out loud about something related to the job and all the sudden you have a moment of clarity about something in your life. It is usually something so simple that you can't believe this is the first time you have ever made the connection. When the interview is over you are thankful for the opportunity to be considered for a job but that isn't the only thing you got out of it. You are secretly grateful because you just had a break-through moment in your life that would not have surfaced any other way.

So the lesson here... the next time you feel like something isn't right in your life maybe it is time to start looking for a new job. You will get the answers you need during one of your interviews. It is a lot cheaper than therapy. When the interview process is over they could end up paying you or you may never have to see them again.  Either way, you will feel a little more complete.  It is a win-win.

10 Signs You Are Rude

There is no excuse for being rude.  Situations may be stressful, you may be having a bad day, or you may be completely frustrated, but that doesn't mean you have gained the right to be rude to anyone.  Being rude means you have lost control of your own emotions, you are completely oblivious, or you don't care about people's thoughts and feelings.

Most people experience moments of being rude during a low times in their life but a few people are rude all the time.  Sadly, the "all the time" group, probably doesn't even know they are being rude.  It has become a way of life.  The people around them find it easier to ignore the rude behavior rather than to point it out.  They ignore the behavior because it shortens their interaction time with the rude person and avoids any confrontation.  However, when this behavior goes ignored, it sends the message that how that person is treating you is acceptable and makes certain it will be repeated.

Getting the feedback that you are rude is jolting.  No one wants this label.  With the right tone and timing, pointing out to someone that what they said or did was unacceptable has a way of dramatically changing how that person interacts with you in the future. Why do we let people be rude to us?  Why is it so hard to tell them?

How can you tell if you are being rude? Below are the 10 signs you may be being perceived as rude by other people:

10. You are always late
  9. You don't return phone calls or emails
  8. You ignore people that you know so you don't have to talk to them
  7. You don't tell people when plans change and they
      show up based on the original plan
  6. You interrupt people when they are speaking
  5. You wait to the last minute to complete work and make
      your emergency someone else's
  4. You are brutally honest with people not because it is
      the right thing to do but because it makes you feel
      better about yourself.
  3. You purposely leave people out of conversations or
      meetings to gain power from knowledge
  2. When someone is out of work for a day or two you are more
      concerned about how their absence will effect your work than
      you are about the reason they have to miss work
  1. You don't listen to what people say

The cure for rudeness... stop thinking about yourself, start thinking of others, and tell people when they are being rude to you.  The opposite of rude is being kind, mannerly, polite and respectful.  Start a routine of respecting other's time, finding ways to care about people, and refusing to ignore rude behavior.  What is your label?

Taking Steps to Prevent the Victim Mentality

Victim: one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent

Once you are a victim your life is never the same.  Your life comes to an abrupt halt and is forced down a path that you never thought you would have to go.  The new path is really bumpy at the start.  There are potholes, obstacles, and it is hard to see in front of you but easy to see what you have had to leave behind.

No one wants to be a victim but inevitably we all will be one in our lifetime, if not many times.  Whether it is an attack, a burglary, a broken heart, job loss or something else, we all will experience it at some point in our lives. The severity will vary with each person and each incident but there only seems to be two results of being a victim.  Some people are able to move on with their lives and continue down the new path of their life while others get caught going in circles at the beginning of their new path.

When you are going in circles it holds you back from greatness.  You waste precious time rehashing the past and remain unhappy for a long time.  When you take action, take steps, you are using your time wisely and you can turn your focus to things that will bring you or other people happiness. 

So how do you know which victim group you are in?

The people that get caught going in circles demonstrate some common behaviors:

1. They talk about their situation every day.  They are continually trying sort out what happened and in the process seek empathy from other people.

2. They think that other things that happen in their life all relate back to the moment their life changed when they became a victim.

3. They focus on trying to undo what happened.  They think that if they could just go back in time and fix the situation things would be back to normal again.


The people that are able to keep going on their path and move on also demonstrate some common behavior:

1. They accept their new path and keep taking steps to move further down it.

2. They try not to talk about their situation all the time and prevent people from even knowing that they are on a new path.  They just want their new path to appear to be normal.  They talk about their situation when there is a better story to tell.

3. They learn from their experience and try to help others by preventing them from being a victim or by helping those who need to take those first steps down their own new path.

When you are sent down a new path in your life, one that you would not have chosen, you have a choice to make.  It is completely normal to feel emotional, that the situation was unfair, and that it didn't have to happen.  Being a victim comes with confusion and emotion and it takes time for your heart and mind to heal.  However, being emotional and confused doesn't mean you can't start taking steps onto your new path.  The more steps you take the more the healing happens.  Everyone has to take steps at their own pace but what is most important is that the steps are happening.  If you stop moving forward you can get stuck going in circles.

You can't go back in time but you can choose how you spend your time moving forward.  Your new path is your new normal.   Just keep taking steps.

Share the Love - Moments of Appreciation

I believe all thanks go to God for blessing me with the ability to earn a living and afford to buy things that help me live a comfortable life. I thank God for the people He has put around me to shape me, challenge me, help me, support me, and love me. It has recently come to my attention that I am thankful for a lot of things.

Do you ever have a moment when something that you have taken for granted for a long time is suddenly thrown at the forefront of your life? It may be a moment of misery that causes you to remember how great life is or was, but none the less you become very grateful for the things in your life. These precious moments put your priorities in clear focus and cause you to reflect on how good life is.

Here are some things that I am very appreciative of:

- Being raised by two parents in the mid-west
- Parents who attend the ballgames of their kids even though they are not that good just to cheer them on and hopefully see them do something good
- Friends who support you when you need advice or encouragement
- Moms and Grandmas with sewing abilities
- Air conditioning and Air Conditioning repair people
- Electricity and Power Company repair people
- Computers and the Internet & Facebook
- People who voluntarily serve our country in the military
- Military families that sacrifice time with their loved ones so they can protect the rest of us
- Being able to travel places quicker in a car
- Working with a good leader
- Having trusting people to delegate important work to
- Working with people that make you laugh
- People who have the ability to fix things around the house
- People who know how to play a musical instrument (especially the trumpet!)
- Smooth whole grain bread without all the flaky, nutty, grainy texture
- The minute clinic that is open on Saturdays
- When men open doors or pull out chairs for women
- People who say please and thank you--especially children!
- Washing Machines
- State Troopers who keep our roads safe and are respectful to you when they pull you over
- State Troopers who give warnings even when you really deserved a ticket
- State Troopers who have a sense of humor and can appreciate being late for church
- Mom's who help their grown children with laundry and ironing
- People who take vacations at Disney
- Libraries
- Wi-fi
- Cold water
- Hot water
- Television, DVRs and shows that are not stupid
- Sisters who do your laundry when they visit your house when you are not home
- Dad's who go on school field trips and volunteer at school
- Teachers that allowed students with summer birthdays to celebrate with the class during the school year
- The Bible
- Pastors who know their stuff, have a solid character, are great communicators, and just love people
- People who compose music (seriously... how do they do that?)
- How kids learn to communicate and speak
- Funny and innocent things that kids say
- Antibiotics, antihistamines, ibuprofen
- Pizza and ice cream
- Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies.. okay who am I kidding - ALL cookies without nuts or coconut!
- Substituting applesauce for oil when baking
- Healthy muscles and bones in your feet, back, and neck
- Breathing easily and without complication
- People who quit smoking
- Coaches that care about their players on and off the field/court
- Coaches that teach character, values, and responsibility in addition the the skills of the sport
- Dr. Oz
- People who follow the rules
- People who don't follow stupid rules
- Mom's who try to do it all
- Sesame Street, The Muppets, Little House on the Prairie, and The Facts of Life
- Waiting to see and the timing of a sunset
- College professors who grade the content of your papers and give constructive feedback to make you think rather than grade you on your ability to cite references and follow APA formatting
- People who let you go ahead of them at the grocery store when you only have a few items
- Playing sports as a kid for fun and staying in shape as an adult to stay healthy
- Dad's that buy surprises for the whole family at Christmas without consulting mom
- Aunts that spoiled you with attention when you were little

I am sure I could keep going for days. What are you appreciative of?