10 Signs You Are Rude

There is no excuse for being rude.  Situations may be stressful, you may be having a bad day, or you may be completely frustrated, but that doesn't mean you have gained the right to be rude to anyone.  Being rude means you have lost control of your own emotions, you are completely oblivious, or you don't care about people's thoughts and feelings.

Most people experience moments of being rude during a low times in their life but a few people are rude all the time.  Sadly, the "all the time" group, probably doesn't even know they are being rude.  It has become a way of life.  The people around them find it easier to ignore the rude behavior rather than to point it out.  They ignore the behavior because it shortens their interaction time with the rude person and avoids any confrontation.  However, when this behavior goes ignored, it sends the message that how that person is treating you is acceptable and makes certain it will be repeated.

Getting the feedback that you are rude is jolting.  No one wants this label.  With the right tone and timing, pointing out to someone that what they said or did was unacceptable has a way of dramatically changing how that person interacts with you in the future. Why do we let people be rude to us?  Why is it so hard to tell them?

How can you tell if you are being rude? Below are the 10 signs you may be being perceived as rude by other people:

10. You are always late
  9. You don't return phone calls or emails
  8. You ignore people that you know so you don't have to talk to them
  7. You don't tell people when plans change and they
      show up based on the original plan
  6. You interrupt people when they are speaking
  5. You wait to the last minute to complete work and make
      your emergency someone else's
  4. You are brutally honest with people not because it is
      the right thing to do but because it makes you feel
      better about yourself.
  3. You purposely leave people out of conversations or
      meetings to gain power from knowledge
  2. When someone is out of work for a day or two you are more
      concerned about how their absence will effect your work than
      you are about the reason they have to miss work
  1. You don't listen to what people say

The cure for rudeness... stop thinking about yourself, start thinking of others, and tell people when they are being rude to you.  The opposite of rude is being kind, mannerly, polite and respectful.  Start a routine of respecting other's time, finding ways to care about people, and refusing to ignore rude behavior.  What is your label?

Taking Steps to Prevent the Victim Mentality

Victim: one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent

Once you are a victim your life is never the same.  Your life comes to an abrupt halt and is forced down a path that you never thought you would have to go.  The new path is really bumpy at the start.  There are potholes, obstacles, and it is hard to see in front of you but easy to see what you have had to leave behind.

No one wants to be a victim but inevitably we all will be one in our lifetime, if not many times.  Whether it is an attack, a burglary, a broken heart, job loss or something else, we all will experience it at some point in our lives. The severity will vary with each person and each incident but there only seems to be two results of being a victim.  Some people are able to move on with their lives and continue down the new path of their life while others get caught going in circles at the beginning of their new path.

When you are going in circles it holds you back from greatness.  You waste precious time rehashing the past and remain unhappy for a long time.  When you take action, take steps, you are using your time wisely and you can turn your focus to things that will bring you or other people happiness. 

So how do you know which victim group you are in?

The people that get caught going in circles demonstrate some common behaviors:

1. They talk about their situation every day.  They are continually trying sort out what happened and in the process seek empathy from other people.

2. They think that other things that happen in their life all relate back to the moment their life changed when they became a victim.

3. They focus on trying to undo what happened.  They think that if they could just go back in time and fix the situation things would be back to normal again.


The people that are able to keep going on their path and move on also demonstrate some common behavior:

1. They accept their new path and keep taking steps to move further down it.

2. They try not to talk about their situation all the time and prevent people from even knowing that they are on a new path.  They just want their new path to appear to be normal.  They talk about their situation when there is a better story to tell.

3. They learn from their experience and try to help others by preventing them from being a victim or by helping those who need to take those first steps down their own new path.

When you are sent down a new path in your life, one that you would not have chosen, you have a choice to make.  It is completely normal to feel emotional, that the situation was unfair, and that it didn't have to happen.  Being a victim comes with confusion and emotion and it takes time for your heart and mind to heal.  However, being emotional and confused doesn't mean you can't start taking steps onto your new path.  The more steps you take the more the healing happens.  Everyone has to take steps at their own pace but what is most important is that the steps are happening.  If you stop moving forward you can get stuck going in circles.

You can't go back in time but you can choose how you spend your time moving forward.  Your new path is your new normal.   Just keep taking steps.

Top 5 Signs You Are Stuck In Your Ways

Over the last year or so I have encountered a large amount of people that are stuck in their ways.  This condition comes in a variety of forms but they all seem to have one thing in common: victims can only see life one way.  They are unable to deal with change easily and have difficulty buying in to new ideas.  When presented with a new idea, they often will seem receptive at first but quickly come up with reasons why the new idea won't work.  They usually end up doing exactly what they have always done.

Unfortunately this condition can be contagious.  Carriers will try and influence their co-workers but are not always successful.  Co-workers will recognize when someone is stuck in their ways because they become frustrated working with them.  It feels like the victim can't see the bigger picture, always seems to shoot down new ideas, and easily becomes uncomfortable when discussing change.  At times, having a meeting with someone with this condition feels like you are hitting your head against the wall.

I never want to get this condition.  I don't want to be the person that people don't want to work with and doesn't get invited to important meetings because they think I will slow down progress. So how do you know if you are stuck in your ways?



Top 5 Signs You Are Stuck In Your Ways:

1. You talk about the past everyday.
Do you find yourself always saying things like: "we used to do it this way," or "we tried that a few years ago," or "when Susie worked here everything worked" or "it is a lot better than it use to be."  When your frame of reference is always focused on your past experiences and storytelling you may be stuck in your ways.

2. You think that new people joining your company need time to conform to the company culture before they can really make an impact.
Sometimes new people notice things that are out of whack before anyone else.  Have you noticed that you tend to disregard new people's opinions until they gain more experience in your organization? Do you feel like the new people have a lack of respect for everything that the company has accomplished in the past?  Do you find that the new people are complaining about the way the company does business or how a certain process works?  If you tend to think new people are negative unnecessarily you may be stuck.

3.  You have been in the same job with the same company for more than 7 years.
Does the thought of having to pack up your office make you cringe?  Have you applied and interviewed for a different job over the last 7 years?  Have you been asked what you want to do for your next job and not known the answer?  If the thought of changing jobs makes you nervous or anxious you may be set in your ways.

4. You have a routine at your office that you do everyday.
Is there something you have to do everyday before you can begin working?  Do you have desk items or a favorite coffee mug that you panic when you can't find it?  Do you park in the same spot, take the same route to your office, or use the same bathroom stall?  Do you eat with the same people at lunch at the same table every day? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be stuck.

5. You are hesitant to volunteer for new project because it means more work.
Are you skeptical of new projects or always thinking about all of the problems the project is going to run into?  Do you feel that taking on a new project would be too disruptive to your current work?  Would the new project be too disruptive to your schedule?  If you answered yes to any of this questions, you may be stuck.

So how do we avoid getting stuck in our ways or how do we get un-stuck?

I think as we get older, we will naturally get into a groove with how we spend our time and energy.  We find life shortcuts that work and we stick to them.  At what point do these familiar things cross over into a paralyzing and unproductive situation?  There are some preventative steps you can take.  No one wants to be or wants to work with victims of this condition.

Here are some suggestions that can help:

1. Keep Learning
Take a class at a local college, read a book, attend leadership training, or take the time to learn a new computer program or web site feature.  Subscribe to a blogger or podcast, join an organization outside of work you are passionate about, or spend time with someone you want to learn from at least once a month.  As long as you are learning you will have an endless supply of ideas and new stories to tell.

2. Break Up Your Routines
Take a different route to work.  Use a different mug or skip the coffee break at 3pm.  Keep mixing up how you spend your time.  The fewer routines you have the more you exercise your mind.  Try something new everyday and create variety in your life.

3.  Surround yourself with others that are not stuck
New people that join an organization are going through change.  They could use a friend to help them adjust but they can also be great people to help you see the same things from a new perspective.  Listen to the new ideas or their experiences from other companies.  You may be able to pick up something you can use or improve your work.  Who are the people in your organization that you feel are innovative?  Get to know them and find out how they approach their work.

4.  Take on work that is new
Force yourself to learn new things by seeking out new projects.  You will get to network with new people, explore new areas of your company, and add valuable experience to your resume or year-end review.  Not only will new work help you stretch your brain but it might help you end up with some great recognition or a promotion.

5.  Interview
Always be aware of your tenure.  Staying at a job or the same company is not a bad thing as long as growth is happening.  One great way to keep you on your toes and get you using your critical thinking skills is to apply for a promotion.  Don't just do it to do it.  Be sure you are applying for something that you want to consider doing.  After the interview process is over make sure you get feedback on why you were or weren't selected.  If you like what you are doing or feel it isn't the right time to switch jobs, schedule informational interviews with people that you want to network with or just learn more about their business or job.

Just being aware of your own tendencies is half the battle.  Treating this condition is a personal thing.  No one can cure this condition unless they want to be cured.  Hopefully now, you feel like you have a taste of the right medicine.

What do you do to make sure you are not stuck in your ways?

The Big Screen Litter-Bugs

I love going to the movies.  There is something so exciting about being in a large room with a ton of people watching a film on a huge screen.  We like to be entertained together.  I have recently been to a lot of movies and I can't help but wonder about something each time I go.

At what point did it become okay to leave your trash for someone else to clean up?

We are taught as kids to clean up after ourselves.  It is against the law to throw trash on the road and highly frowned upon to throw it on the ground anywhere.  So why is it okay in a movie theater?  The employees of the theater even make it easy by standing with bags as people walk out and the trash bins are always available.  I have never worked at a theater or even been in a custodial-like job but watching people pick up after grown adults just seems so wrong.  No wonder a box of $.25 popcorn costs $5.  The theater has to pay someone to pick it up and throw it away.

This just seems like a no-brainer.

Use Passion For Good

I recently discovered the newest excuse for less than professional behavior in the workplace... proclamations of having passion. Passion is:  a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.

Maybe you have witnessed this excuse?  When a topic or decision is being discussed in a meeting and someone: begins talking over people, interrupting, speaking loudly, strongly disagreeing without regard to others' feelings, ignoring others who try to express their thoughts, using sharp edged language, or getting frustrated when they don't get their way.  Lately, I have heard from several people that the reason a certain people act this way is because they are passionate about the subject at hand.  When did being passionate about something make it okay to be unprofessional?  When did this become acceptable workplace behavior?

I was always under the impression that having passion about something was a positive thing.  People long for spending more time with things or people they are passionate about in life.  Passion creates and endless supply of energy that people need to do great things.  Finding what your passionate about is an amazing process.  You can't plan it, force it, or buy it.  When you realize what your God given passion is and you are able to live it there are few levels of joy that can match the feeling.  So how can this priceless feeling of joy turn into a situation where it hurts other people in the workplace?

The moment someone disrespects another person in a meeting the passion that person has about the subject matter at hand becomes useless and unwanted.  The so-called passionate person quickly becomes viewed as out of control, rude, disrespectful, and not a team player.  It becomes difficult to work with this person because of how they make you or others feel.  You can find yourself not wanting them involved in projects or discussions because of how they dominate the conversation and how they cause a loss of momentum with the work.  You will begin having side conversations with the other people you need to work with on projects and only bring in the passionate person at the end of the process.  You end up spending more time managing this person and being less productive.

At no time is having passion about something an excuse for disrespecting people or for being unprofessional at work.  Being passionate and professional are not mutually exclusive things.  When you put them together you will find greatness.  You will see people flocking to work with these kind of people.  Passionate and professional people have huge networks, get assigned to big projects, and are always invited to meetings or to be apart of the decision making process.  They are a pleasure to work with and they inspire you.


Are you the one others manage or are you the one that people want to work with?  Be passionate about your work relationships.  Be passionate about how you treat people.  Use your passion for good.