RSVP Yes means you are coming, right?

I discovered a pet-peeve. I usually don't sit around thinking about what kind of things bother me but when something happens that catches your attention in a bad way, it can raise that issue to a whole new level of awareness. It causes you to clearly define the offensive behavior for future reference.

This newly discovered pet-peeve is something that everyone does usually without any harm or bad intention.  We do it to try and not hurt or disappoint people but it always runs the risk of doing just the opposite.  So what act could be so damaging?  Not saying no.

How many times do you get invited to go somewhere, do something, or participate in an activity that you really don't want to do?  How many times do you come up with some excuse about why you can't go?  All the time, right?  We do it so we don't hurt people's feelings or disappoint anyone. Here are some classic scenes from the movie, Yes Man starring Jim Carey to help illustrate this: http://youtu.be/dk15ya0nzAk?hd=1 and http://youtu.be/XvKz7efhE2c?hd=1 

Sometimes people say yes and then don't show up.  Sometimes people will say yes and then, at the last minute, have a conflict conveniently pop-up.  Sometimes people show up but they can't stay long.  It seems like we would rather feel guilty about lying than mildly disappoint someone.  Where is the good in that? Doesn't this fall under the two wrongs don't make a right category? Why is it that we can't just say no?

What makes this phenomena the worst is when you are on the other side of the invitation. When you invite people to do things and you know they are lying to you in order not to participate. It feels gross and it cheapens your relationship. For acquaintances, this behavior isn't welcome but it seems to be more easily forgivable. Where it really crosses the line and this action becomes unacceptable and very harmful is when it happens between close personal friends.  When it is someone you have known for a long time and trusted, and they tell you a lie to get out of something, it really hurts. What does it say about your friendship when you can't be honest with each other?  What else are they not being honest about with you? Can you trust them moving forward?  What ends up as an attempt to not hurt someone's feelings ends up really hurting the friendship.  It is a major withdrawal from your friendship bank account and it is very difficult and time consuming to try and replenish the situation.

Is it worth it?  Just two little letters can prevent this pain, n-o. Saying no means you don't have to lie.  Saying no means... you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and be stressed about it.  Saying no means... you don't have to feel guilty about making up an excuse.  Saying no means... you might disappoint someone in the short term but you actually enhance your relationships with people because you were being honest with them.

Be real. Be honest. Just say no... or yes, but follow through.  You will be surprised what happens.  The more genuine you are with people the better your relationships will be and that is what life is all about in the end.

3 Signs You Are an Instant Gratification Addict

You can get almost anything at anytime on the Internet.  With invention of the Smart Phone and tablet things are now available anywhere you go.  The more readily the information and services are the more we seem to want and the less tolerant we are to wait for anything.

The question is, do we need things immediately or do we just want it because we can have it?  Have we become greedy for information and pleasure?  Everyone wants to experience pleasure in their life.  Pleasure feels great but it doesn't last very long.  That is why we keep seeking it and often push the limits of normal behavior to try and squeeze every last bit of pleasure out of everything.  They say good things come to those who wait...  so why can't we wait?  Are we addicted to instant gratification?  Here are 3 signs:

1. Lack of Self Control
Do you have a hard time stopping certain behaviors like drinking, eating, speeding, spending, or talking about yourself?  This could be a sign that you want to feel as good as can, as soon as possible, and as much as possible no matter the consequences.

2. Gossip
Do you find yourself participating frequently in conversations about other people?  Do you make it a point to share any details you know about certain people at work or in your family?  This could be a sign that you need to feel good by making other people look or sound bad.  You may feel more superior when you talk about the questionable behavior of other people.

3. Desires are too Strong
Do you have to have the latest technology gadget, fashions, celebrity news, or information? Do you often find a way to justify the purchase of things that you really don't need?  Do you have to know everything about what is happening in the news or inside of a company?  You may be passionate about something but love it so much that your desire has reached an unhealthy or obsessive level.  Knowing everything you can about one subject can make you feel good.

If you have some of these signs and experience them on a daily basis you may be addicted to Instant Gratification.  While some of this behavior could be harmless, some of it could be causing you to act in ways that others perceive as questionable.

Here are some things to consider to help curb the need for instant gratification:

1. Acknowledge there is a problem.  Admit it and begin recognize what it looks like.

2. Set boundaries so that you are not tempted.  Don't go to bars.  Don't eat dessert. Don't buy anything for 30 days, Turn off your phone at meals and meetings.

3. Set limits of time, portions, spending, etc. only allow a specific amount of time to spend on your passion or behavior, i.e. once a week, once a day for 30 minutes, etc.

4. Get help.  Find an accountability partner or speak to a counselor.

5. Look at the root of your behavior.  Is there something else missing or not right in your life that this behavior is covering up that needs to be addressed?  Find it and address it.

6. Think bigger.  Instant is small but waiting for something better is bigger thinking and could be more of an investment in your future.

7. Pray for guidance.  God is big and can help you see how blessed you are and how to be content with what you have.

8. Spend time on more important things that add value to other people or to your future such as: Volunteer, take a class, read a book, exercise, teach, spend time with kids or seniors.

9. Go cold turkey!  For example, cancel your text plan, give up sweets, be silent for hours, return the gadget to the store.  Take drastic action to jump start your new line of thinking.

10. Make sure the person you are talking about is in front of you or always assume that what you are saying will be heard or scene by the person.

Start seeking joy rather than pleasure.  Joy is God given, longer lasting, and usually it is a better experience than anything you can imagine on your own.  Joy is harder to find but usually well worth the wait.  Let go of the need for instant gratification and embrace the process of things happening at their own pace.

The Cure For Worry

I am a recovering worry-aholic but I have found the cure.

Every time you are in the throws of uncertainty you start to worry. People try to help you by telling you not to worry. Which at that moment, is probably the hardest if not the most impossible thing for you to do.

With the uncertain times happening in our economy and the drama that is on the news every night it is hard not to worry. None of us know what the outcome will be and jobs, investments, and the comforts of life are all at risk.

People say, "try not to think about it" or "stay busy." While these are good tactics they are only temporary because the worry has a way of creeping back in to your thoughts. You can only stay so busy for so long and trying not to think about it means you have to think about something else which if you could do that you wouldn't be worrying in the first place.

Is there a cure for worry? A 12 Step program? A quick-fix pill? Does it take hyponotism or therapy? No, not for me. It was simple and it was right in front of me the whole time.

Let Go - Give up Control.

It was brought to my attention recently that I wasn't in control and never had been. The tighter I tried to control things the more stressed I became. Once I fully understood that the person really in control was more experienced, in the know about what going on, and had my best interest at heart it was easy for me to let go and trust Him.

I still have my moments but they are short-lived now that I know what what I need to do. By trusting and letting go of the control I can live with uncertainty without the fear and without the paralyzing physical effects worry can bring. Now I have peace and confidence that things will be just fine no matter what.

If you need to know this worry-free helper He is easy to find. Just close your eyes and pray and He will be there. God is the worry warrior. Let Him fight the battle for you. After all, He already knows the game plan and has a perfect record.

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [7] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:25